That is my motto. I'm a staunch believer that in order to get the most out of life, I must seize every moment and cherish every minute. It's a liberating mantra. Neither did I know that it is my personal magic words that will give me the keys into opening up to life. I've always relied on my motto to get me through every situation and every decision. Even when I'm suffering daily because of a recent vehicular accident, I'm smiling because I'm hanging on to the thought that I'm in this situation to grow.

When I nearly died, I realized how little I've lived. Near-death experiences do that. I'm not saying that every person should try it but it's an awesome experience that allowed me to rethink my life. It filled me with a new sense of purpose and gave me courage to take a new look at my life.

I'm not yet finished studying. My work ethics needs more tweaking. My relationships are all falling apart. There's also the little thing about controlling my shopping and the huge thing for improving my writing. My ambition to help out my countrymen is at the back of my mind; my goal to become a writer is set aside. I'm only 20 and I feel like I'm stuck.

Maybe it's a generation thing or even an age thing but I feel like a failure. Most of my peer group are either graduating or working already. I think it's because we're all raised to think that we can do anything and we can achiever whatever we set our minds into that holds me back. Failing is not bad but the feeling is. They're all on the road of success and I'm still a step behind. I'm always dreaming of attaining my personal success- defined in terms of how much I'm learning and how much I'm giving back- but I'm drifting farther and farther away from it. I wrote somewhere before that I want to be successful but the question is how?

For one thing, I'm still lacking a diploma. In this cutthroat and ruthless world of jobs, I'm severely handicapped already. I'm working in a call center now because I need it to build up a small nest egg. I'm dreaming of the day that I can quit because my savings are enough so I can pursue my studies again. Of course, my real dream is to become a writer. I can write about anything and everything but I'll need more help to expand my horizons and push my limitations. I need to learn the ins and outs of the profession before I can pursue it. A philosopher long ago suggests that we should all work to live and not live to work. I agree with him. If I'm going to write for a living, I don't mind working at all.

I mentioned earlier that my personal relationships are in jeopardy. My family bonds are steady but I think that I need more tips on how to reach out more to them. Sure we spend a lot of time together but our connection is fragile. I'm still working out some issues involving my father and I definitely need some help on that. My mother is a source of inspiration and I want to know how to show her everyday that I appreciate the mothering that she's doing for all four of us. I still have three younger siblings who barely know me; I'm still clueless on how to become a better sister for all of them. I value my family above all else and I want to show them how much I care.

Friendships are a large part of my life. I used to be a really shy and reclusive person before I started reading Cosmo. I didn't have a lot of friends. Now that I do, I need to take care of my friendships just as if they're romantic relationships. I believe that friends are really forever... I have plenty of girlfriends who've stayed with me through thick and thin. I'm really grateful for their support, their nurturing and even their nagging. But I've made so many friends, it's hard to keep track. I need to learn how to manage all of them in order to help them better. I want to know how to navigate through fights, misunderstandings and potentially embarrassing situations. I want to think of activities to strengthen our bond and to lessen the bashing to cultivate confidence. To earn good friends is to be one. I definitely need to improve that.

Since most of my friends are girls, I've earned plenty of well-meant tips on beauty, style and fitness. Some of them are ridiculous and some are surprisingly useful. I'm not the prettiest girl in the room but I can make up for it by being interesting. Most of the famous women I've read about compensated for their lack of physical perfection by having the best style in clothes and beauty to stand out. I want to learn that. I want to learn how to dress to fit my body type, use makeup to accentuate my features and to learn the best exercise to become healthy. (For the record, I don't buy that  standard that you have to be thin to be attractive. I think you have to be healthy. I'd rather eat that doughnut then dance it away than starve myself.) I know some things but they aren't enough to really bring out the best in me.

It's true that inner beauty is more desirable than outer beauty. It's something that you can shine and polish well until you grow old. But there is definitely no harm in improving your physical appearance. I've learned from before that your body is the first thing that people notices before your mind. It's much better to stay pretty and presentable to add up to the shining personality. And there's also the fact that dressing up lifts my mood and boosts my confidence. I only need to know how to polish my style to really bring it to the surface.

Aside from that, attractiveness is also one of the foremost things that guys look for in a woman. I'm in a new relationship right now and it's definitely a huge change for me. My last relationship lasted for two years before it ended... I chose to stay single to learn more about myself. Now that I've met a man who is definitely someone I want to be with, I want to take care of our relationship. I want to learn how to listen to him, to understand him and to be The One for him. I used to be a clingy and jealous girlfriend. It's an interesting experience that I don't ever want to repeat. I need to develop a confident and secure personality to stop myself. I need to show my boyfriend that I'll be his partner and equal for the, not his mother or maid.

I know that it will take a lot more courage to be true to myself and to everything I've written about. It's hard work to step out my comfort zone and to break out of my shell. I want to take risks, to relish every experience and to live without any regret. I want to become someone I can be proud of. I want to be someone who lives in every minute. I want to be someone who may not be rich but fulfilled because of service to her country, family and God.

I sincerely believe that if I had the chance to change it all I will. I will walk forward and say, "Carpe diem!".